Technology Marches Forth: Better Breasts on the Horizon

internal_bra.JPGDear All the Strippers I’ve Paid Before:

I’m sorry, but I’m not a boob guy. I’m thinking maybe i’m not into your boobs, that I’m a butt guy. Now I’m not saying it’s your fault, but it could be that some of your boobs look way fake. I’m a science nerd, and they look like Neptune and Uranis: almost the same size, globular, and far away from each other. That, I’m sorry to say, does not turn my crank as it should at $20 for 10 minutes.

But there is hope that I might come back to you. Some Israeli scienticians have come up with a new type of breast augmentation that’s more than just an implant: it’s an internal bra of sorts. Using parts used in regular plastic surgery, the doctors have fashioned a framework that attaches to the upper shoulder area and the ribcage to support good stuff your parents gave you as your regular bra does. This means that, combined with traditional breast implants, you can have the shape you’re looking for down to the centimeter. No more frightening big-but-what-are-those moments.

It’s still experimental, but the really great news is that it’s far less invasive than regular boob jogs. A few small incisions and anchors are placed where they need to be, with some silicone to fill everything in. That means likely less recovery time, lower prices, and better boobs for all of us. You should consider it.

If things work out in the clinical trials and this procedure becomes a viable option, I’m fully in favor of helping find you a place to go. While I’m not a “boob guy”, I’m all about anything that would make you feel more sexy, as that’s part of your job, and I’m nothing if not an enabler. I’ll keep you posted here.

With affection and I-know-it’ll-never-happen-love,

Israel’s ‘Cup&Up’ promises uplifting breasts without the surgical risk [Israel 21c]