Dear Canada: Our Puerile Satire Can Be Biting, But We Are Really Just Jealous

moose_bw.GIFYesterday Nicholas Deleon, our resident crank, wrote some nasty words about Canada. He knows your women are more beautiful, your fields more verdant, and your maple trees more succulent. And all of these things dig deep into his psyche, reminding him what ROTC really means and how cool William Gibson is for escaping to Vancouver. He is young. He has not yet felt the bracing air of a cold, Canuck June morning or the hot breath of a Mountie on his neck as they cuddle on the frozen Northern wastes. He seems cruel, but please understand — all of us love Canada and we want your healthcare system, your calm demeanor (did you know you can leave your doors UNLOCKED in Canada? You can!), and your moose. What we don’t want is your draconian laws preventing Google from taking our pictures as we walk into Sperm Banks, churches, and strip clubs. After all, our privacy is raped so much here that we’re starting to get all Stockholm Syndrome-y about it. Please send bacon.

Hey CrunchGear – kiss my royal Canuck ass [WinExtra]