HOW TO stay a virgin this Valentine's Day

So you’re in love. You decide not to get “store bought flowers or jewelry” for your lucky lover and instead make a fiber optic rose of the type found in .99 cent stores all up and down the Eastern Seaboard. This, in fact, is a poor decision and will not get you any play or even a call back. But that doesn’t matter, right guys? Because our objects of affection work in a record store and we asked her once about a Doves album and she kind of rolled her eyes — but in a cute way — so that means she knows we exist but thinks maybe she could turn us on to some new music and when we tried to ask her our all that came out was “What’s good and new at the store?” and she ignored us and now we’ll make her this flower and probably not even give it to her but it’s fun to use fiber optics, right? Or did all of that happen just to me. I’m really lonely.

HacknMod via Giz