The random endorsement: George Foreman Grill


We’re endorsing the George Foreman Grill today. This is how I spend my spring break.

Before using the GFG, I didn’t know how to cook. After using the GFG, I still don’t know how to cook! Is that the fault of the grill, or the fault of my own faulty upbringing and complete lack of ambition? I’m gonna guess it’s my fault; the grill was cool.

Being that it’s 2008, I’m sure most, if not all, of you have seen the GFG advertised on TV. Some of us may have sat down for the entire half-hour infomercial, largely out of a lack of anything better to do. I say that because, given that, there’s no reason to explain exactly what the GFG is and does. Briefly, it’s a small, cramped NYC apartment-friendly grill that cooks food quickly. There’s no built-in Bluetooth nor does it feature haptic technology in any capacity.

Hello, salmonella

Since I have so little experience in the kitchen—I know how to make a mean rice and beans dish, but that requires a trip to the Goya aisle of the supermarket and several hours of preparation; a sandwich can be made in seconds—I expected to be able to plug it in, throw a piece of meat on there and, minutes later, be enjoying a fine meal. That wasn’t meant to be, dear friends! I had to buy all sorts of spices and ingredients, then prepare the meat, then set it on the grill, then grill, then eat. I guess my complaint here is that—and this isn’t a knock against the grill—cooking is hard and I don’t like doing it.

The GFG itself is pretty solid. Yes, I’ll define what “solid” means in a bit. I sprang for the smallest model. I contemplated buying the big bad booty daddy version ($1 if you understand that reference), but then realized I live alone and have no reason to cook an entire steer in 15 minutes. I’m not training to fight Randy Coutoure or anything.

Yes, “solid.” While I didn’t test the unit’s durability by throwing it down a set of stairs or off a speeding motorbike, I did accidentally drop it already. (It came in the mail a few hours ago, mind you.) It still cooked my stupid piece of chicken and, later, a couple units of broccoli. Hooray for healthy food!

I don’t know, it seems weird to me to call the grill good when so many have already done so; I’m just piling on. It serves no purpose as far as I’m concerned.

But I do have my gripes. For one, the electrical cord is entirely too short. I know most kitchen appliances have short cords, but it’s still a pain in the ass. I have to rearrange my whole kitchen area, including removing my coffee maker and blender, just to get it plugged in. Also, while cooking, it makes what could only be described as sounds you’d hear in Silent Hill. It sounds like the thing is screaming for help. It sure as hell freaked me out. (But it does smell good when cooking, I’ll give it that.)

In conclusion, if, for whatever reason, you haven’t bought one of these grills already, you can now do so with great confidence. Cooking is still a pain, what with all that nonsense prep work, but the grill works as advertised.

Now—hack ending alert—I have lunch to eat!