Hey, misophobes! You need the Handler


Are you insane? Don’t like to touch things? Feel like the president’s helicopter is landing in your back yard and there’s nothing you can do about it? Pick up the Handler. This little device hangs off of your keychain and lets you turn knobs and grab stuff without having to touch it with your sweet, supple skin. How does it work? The claw is coated in nano silvers — the same stuff that turns you blue — to keep dirty, filthy microbes from slipping inside of you. It’s not a delusion if it’s only happening to you, right? It’s $10.95 and available now.