Suburbs suffering, no broadband in sight

In the vast hinterlands known as the American suburbs a great evil has awoken. While those in the cities lie quiet in slumber, FiOS pumping out Usenet data at alarming rates, the poor victims lying quietly in their McMansions are still using cable modems.

Woe betide these suburbanites and their so-called broadband for they are ignored by the big companies. Hear their cries:

In the suburban northern New Jersey town that I live in, we have telephony infrastructure that is absolutely ancient. This is par for the course for many communities all over the United States. We have copper wire dating back to the 1950’s, with junction boxes to match. Most of our telephone wiring is on good ‘ol telephone poles, a lot of them still made out of wood.

Wood! What horrors have these suburbanites committed that the great, dark god Verizonus doth ignore them so!

Suburbanites to arms! Your lifestyle is at stake here. Maybe you all can meet at Olive Garden to discuss this.

Full disclosure – I live in Brooklyn and even I can’t get FiOS, so stop yer whining.