Acoustic System Phase Corrector: Correct energy pockets that make Fleetwood Mac's "Everywhere" sound like a badger vomiting

Do you have energy pockets near your deflanged tweeter? Are you franules kurrated and your green graphite isotonic cones remolding your audio energy? Pure Music has something for you. Their Acoustic System Phase Corrector, made of instrument grade maple, will improve your overall listening experience by dissipating and disrupting the Marshall’s Angle of Attack of your audio strancule. For $150, this block of wood will begin working immediately, making your Collector’s Grade Gold Master of Rush’s Roll the Bones sound like the sexual activity of cherubs.

Fools with money please apply.

UPDATE – We just received some amazing exclusive audio from Pure Music to prove that the Phase Corrector works. Pop through for a listen.


Note the flat bass and un-twirled flanging. This is poor reproductive quality.


Better, right? Can you here the brightness of the waddle filters? I thought so. Suck on it, naysayers.