Back to School: Booze

Ok, you’re supposed to be a grownup now. What are doing still drinking that Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill? In fact, what were you doing drinking that ever? You should be ashamed of yourself. You probably clicked on this link thinking you would get some good booze advice. Well, you were right and you were wrong. Instead of telling you what to drink, I’m going to tell you what to stay away from.

Boone’s Farm and wine coolers

Yeah, these sickeningly sweet concoctions are totally the training wheels of booze. I ain’t saying it’s right, I’m just saying it is. These and other ‘alcopop’ beverages use sugar and fruit juice to cover up the taste of low-grade wine or cheap malt beverages.


More sweet stuff. American schnapps’ are made by infusing pure grain alcohol with fruit and other flavors. And of course, sugar. Like flavored malt beverages, they come in a wide variety of flavors, but peppermint schnapps might just be the worst of them all.


This German 70-proof digestif is an herbal liqueur that is similar to other stomach bitters, but much sweeter. Meant to be had before or after a meal, oftentimes the sweet taste leads to over-imbibing. Not good for a concoction that was originally used for medicinal purposes. Like all alcohols, there is such thing as too much of a good thing.

Cheap fortified wine

Oh, Night Train and Thunderbird. You are the lowest of the low. You too, MD 20/20 and Cisco. I know all about you. You are all cheap and nasty and I hope I never see you again in my life. Ever.

Pure grain alcohol, like Everclear, etc.

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