Rant: What the hell, Apple?

Everybody is used to the hype that surrounds Apple’s events; it’s so heavy you can detect it with a Geiger counter and you have to be sanitized before you leave the auditorium. When Apple releases products, it’s always a big deal — usually, because the products are a big deal. The launch of Leopard, the iPhone, and the Air were, whether you wanted the products or not, events of some magnitude. People gather, people watch liveblogs, people whisper and speculate until Jobs is actually off-stage. But today wasn’t an event, it was a press release. And not even a significant one. Today I really feel that Apple gamed the tech world.

The rumor-mongering didn’t help, of course, and we’re all pretty guilty of that. But here’s the thing: if you’re going to organize a big-ass event, we’re going to speculate that something worthwhile is transpiring. Well, this time we were wrong. In what has to be the tamest Apple release ever, everything was more of the same. The new Nano is just like the old tall Nano, the new Touch is almost exactly the same as the old Touch, the Classic gets a little bump, and iTunes merely collects more bloat — par for the course. What the hell, Apple?

If you don’t have a new product, don’t bullshit us, guys. Tell us “we’re only going to have a little get-together because we’re just rolling out some small stuff. Laptops are later.” If you’re going to entice journalists to come by saying it’s going to be big, and put up Gundam-sized posters saying “Let’s rock,” you better back that up! I know I’m coming off like an entitled prick here, but I really think Apple gamed the world on this one. They fooled hundreds of thousands into coming and seeing their little incremental update.

Meanwhile, Zune rolls out actually awesome updates and no one looks twice. You can hear a song on the radio, hit a button and it downloads it through the freakin air? That is space age, people! What are Apple’s new features? A song recommendation system that Pandora probably does better and an integrated Nike bit in the Touch. Nobody jogs with their Touch — that’s why they have a Nano!

Sorry, but I just had to get this stuff off my chest. Apple whips the media up into a froth at will, but this is the first time I’ve actually felt manipulated.

Update: Hey, someone else feels this way.