Excelsior! Windows XP-powered coffee maker


Humanity has finally arrived. After so many false starts—Ancient Egypt, Classical Athens, Caesarian Rome, Catholic Spain, Napoleonic France, Victorian England, to say nothing of the Asian empires—we now look to Finland, the epitome of civilization.

Yes, there’s now a Windows-powered coffee maker. Windows XP, even. It even has an 8-inch touchscreen, for touching. That you can program it over the Internet—brew a pot at 6:00pm so that it’s ready by the time I get home from work—only adds to its grandeur.