It has come to my attention that some of your team has been using a USB Conch. Please note that it is against company policy to install or use outside hardware on company PCs and using an unauthorized shell-shaped USB hub on your PC is a direct violation of this policy. While we originally used the conch in the early years after the wreck, IT has decided that prior the launch of Windows 7 and the roll-out in accounting, food gathering, and HR later this year we will have to crack down on unauthorized hardware.
Please unplug all unauthorized USB Conch devices by COB today. Thank you for your cooperation and sucks to yer assmar.