Wake up! It's time to listen to your MP3s!

This clock looks like it’s from olden times but it isn’t. It’s from the modern age! You basically load this baby up with your own music or recordings and rock out all morning. It costs a mere $40.81 plus shipping and… who am I kidding?

Look, people. This is a stupid alarm clock with MP3s in it. It’s a mess. It doesn’t make any sense, It costs about $40 too much, and by buying this you’re admitting that you are addicted to shiny things and have a weak grasp on the economics of desire. This will end up in a drawer and then when you move you’ll try to have a garage sale and some guy will come up to you and point to it in a box with a bunch of other junk like a Braun hand mixer your mom gave you and like three puzzles in boxes that you put together when you broke up with that one girl in college and say “All of this, 50 cents, my friend.” And you’ll think “I paid $40 for that clock in 2009” and you’ll nod and sell it all.

Go make yourself a smoothie and calm down.