Look, we know that your brothers Bold and Tour have set the bar pretty high. Hell, I’d cut a toe off for either one right now if I could. In the end though, your life is all about you. People will buy you and care about you, just like your brothers. I mean, just look at your spec sheet: quad-band GSM, 3.2 megapixel camera, 480 by 360 display, GPS, WiFi, the list goes on. You’re a catch, but your behavior recently has me a bit concerned. Did you really think we wouldn’t see you on Blackberry Underground after your little operation?
Well, maybe “concerned” isn’t the right word. I’m thrilled that you’ve taken your brother Gemini’s optical trackpad. It’s gotten some great press so far, and gone are the days of gunking up your trackball (it’s OK, I know how embarassing that can be). You’re taking the best of each of your brothers and you’re combining them into one sleek little package. It’s a good move, and Gemini even posed for a picture with you, so it seems like everything is cool between you guys.
What I am concerned about is how you seem to be burying the real you beneath your brothers’ best features. I know why you’re doing it: you’re afraid, deathly afraid of ending up like Storm. Anything I say will sound crass or insincere, but Onyx, please, if nothing else, know this.
You have a keyboard. You’re going to be fine.