By corollary, we also believe that Snake Eyes having a mouth in the new G.I. Joe movie is bull. As we were just discussing in our chat room, it was decided that Snake Eyes, according to original GIJ canon, was an American disfigured by an explosion in a helicopter. Quoth Wikipedia:
Snake Eyes first appeared in G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #1 (June 1982). In the Marvel Comics’ continuity Stalker, Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes served together in the Vietnam War in a LRRP (Long Range Reconnaissance Patrol) unit. Also serving on their LRRP team were Ramon Escobedo, Dickie Saperstein and Wade Collins. While Snake Eyes served in combat, he always carried a picture of his twin sister with him in his hat for good luck. While on a mission, the LRRP team walked into a valley and stumbled into an encampment of NVA regulars (soldiers). A firefight ensued, with Ramon, Dickie and Wade all being killed. (Wade Collins actually survives, and later joins Cobra, becoming Fred II of the Fred series Crimson Guardsmen). The rest of the team was able to make it out of the valley and to an LZ. As a helicopter arrived to pick up the surviving team members, the pursuing NVA opened fire, wounding Snake Eyes. Concerned for his friend, Storm Shadow went back for Snake Eyes. Running through heavy enemy fire, Storm Shadow was able to get Snake Eyes safely aboard the helicopter. Upon returning home from the war, Snake Eyes met with Colonel Hawk, who informed him that his family had been killed in a car accident (which coincidentally involved the brother of the man who would eventually become G.I. Joe’s arch-foe, Cobra Commander). After some soul-searching, Snake Eyes went to study the ninja arts with Storm Shadow’s family, the Arashikage Clan.
Snake Eyes’s ability to quickly learn skills especially impressed Storm Shadow’s uncle, the Hard Master. Over time, Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow became sword brothers, and unintentional rivals for the attention and favor of the Hard Master, who liked pitting them against one another to test their considerable skills. Though Snake Eyes often attempted to throw matches in order that his friend should save face in front of his family, the Hard Master was aware of Snake Eyes’ ruse, and knew him to be the true victor. During one of Snake Eyes training sessions the Hard Master expressed his desire for Snake Eyes to take over leadership of the Arashikage ninja clan instead of his nephew, Storm Shadow. Snake Eyes refused, and the Hard Master continued with the lesson. It was at this point that Zartan (hired by Cobra Commander) mistakenly killed the Hard Master instead of Snake Eyes. Zartan used an arrow he stole from Storm Shadow, implicating him in the murder of his uncle. Storm Shadow chased Zartan, who was able to escape in a helicopter piloted by Firefly. With Storm Shadow believed responsible for the death of the Hard Master, the Arashikage ninja clan dissolved and Snake Eyes returned to America, where he took up residence in the High Sierra Mountains.
The movie, however, says he was just a quiet kid. We, the editors of CrunchGear, hereby state:
A) That Snake Eyes was badass.
B) That Snake Eyes had a badass outfit and shouldn’t have a mouth.
C) That anyone who dressed up like Storm Shadow (a white ninja? WTF!) was a wuss-bag.
D) It was hard to dress up like Snake Eyes but I tried.
E) My grandma made me a ninja outfit.
F) The G.I. Joe movie should be avoided by all those who agree with the above statements.
Your input is requested below. Please answer the following essay question: Snake Eyes was great, true or false, and why was he/wasn’t he greater than the other dudes like Zartan and Storm Shadow?