What to expect from tomorrow's Apple event

apple-9-9What could be better? A short workweek, an Apple event tomorrow, and all is right with the world. But what can we expect from Big Cupertino tomorrow and what won’t we see at the event of the summer? Read on.

First, just a reminder that we’ll be covering the event live tomorrow starting at 10am Pacific/1pm Eastern. We’ll be using our liveblogging platform so you won’t have to go nuts refreshing the page.

Now, for the meat. Here is what we know:

1. There will be iPods with cameras. The Nano and the Touch should get cameras, we’re not certain on the iPod Classic. The camera is believed to be the 3.2-megapixel model inside the iPhone 3G.
2. There won’t be a tablet. The iPad isn’t ready and this isn’t the event for the iPad launch. This should happen before the holidays.
3. Steve will probably be there. He’s doing OK and this is a good way to rally the troops. He could be a “One more thing” surprise, thereby building the tension and causing an orgasm of fanboi adulation.

Here’s what we can conjecture:

1. A new version of iTunes should appear with some sort of social networking built in along with cloud-based playlists you can share with your friends.
2. The iPods won’t be available immediately due to their complexity. We suspect they’ll be available a few weeks into the future. They’ve done this before, notably with the Touch.
3. There won’t be updates on any other hardware. This isn’t a line show but an iPod show.
4. The iPod Classic could be dead or may not receive an upgrade and still stagger on through the line. The classic is fast becoming a storage device rather than the go-to MP3 player for many.
5. There might be some Beatles stuff.

Here’s what won’t happen:
1. They won’t release iPhone OS 3.1. There’s no reason right now.
2. To reiterate, there will be no iPad.
3. Steve Jobs will not land in the Yerba Buena Center in a large silver spacecraft and take three chosen humans on board, all women, where the group will float serenely in space, repopulating the universe with Jobsian clones grown in utero during balletic space orgies and then sent hurtling through space in tiny pods shaped like the Mighty Mouse.