Let's talk about those leaked Apple ads

The internet is falling over itself in paroxysms of ecstatic speculation due to a trio of unbelievably innocuous Google ads showing up in Europe. You’d think it was the end of days — calm yourself, internet. Is there really anything here worth looking twice at, to say nothing of gibbering prophetically about? Let’s see here.

You can see screenshots of the original ads at the original post at Apple Insider, but for simplicity’s sake I’m just going to put the translated text here.

Apple’s Newest MacBook. Thinner, lighter and faster! Free delivery. Order today.
The brand new iMac. Ultra Thin 20 & 24 inch models. From only €1099.
Apple’s New Mac Mini. Faster and more affordable than ever. From only €499. Order immediately.

What strikes you about these ads? They say nothing at all.

Technically, the current MacBook is indeed Apple’s “newest.” Thinner, lighter, and faster than what? These statements are general enough to apply to any Apple product.

The “brand new” iMac poses more of a conundrum. Can they really say brand new when it hasn’t been updated in ages? Why not? Apple said twice as fast, half the price when neither was true. How would you expect them to advertise a current product? “The old standby” isn’t going to sell any units. “Ultra Thin 20 & 24 inch models” could also refer to available iMacs.

The “New Mac Mini” priced at €499 is the only compelling one, really — there is no Mini currently available for that price in the store the ad directs you to, but pricing does vary between countries.

Okay, okay, I’m just poking holes in this just for the fun of it. In all likelihood they are real Apple ads, run a little early. But let’s all calm down because there’s nothing of substance in any of them except for a lowered Mini price. Every Apple product since the dawn of time has gotten thinner and faster with every iteration, and everyone has already speculated on products with those predictable improvements.