The Sapphire 5970 4G Toxic Edition is the fastest video card on Planet Earth

Damn you, Sapphire. Three weeks ago I bought your vanilla Radeon 5970, and now you release the Radeon 5970 4G TOXIC Edition? What a load of bunk. Fastest video card on the planet, you say? Well I say FE$%Fxtgredth.

I’m not hating on the technology of the card itself. I mean, how can you get mad at 4GB of on-board memory and a 900MHz core, plus a special Arctic Cooling cooler? My card has 2GB of memory and a 725 MHz core—it might as well be some mud and sticks in there.

It’s basically a beefed up ATI Radeon 5970, benchmarks of which are all over the Internet. Spoiler: it’s really fast.

No word on how much it’ll cost, but you’ve got to be looking at at least $650.