If You Loved Your Child, You'd Buy Them This $300 High Chair. But You Don't.

If you truly loved your child… nay, merely even considered them worth holding on to… I’d recommend this $300 Baby Bjorn high chair designed from the ground up to revolutionize the market for food into infant-mouth insertion activities. However, this thing is $300, which most parents would find too pricey. But isn’t baby worth that much? What has baby ever done to you that you can’t spend three bills on a small table with legs?

Nothing, that’s what.

As a parent, I’m fascinated by baby product marketing. It’s such a complete, closed culture based around fun, fear, and feeding and the suggestion that if you, as new parents, don’t buy X, Y, and Z-brand baby wipes warmers your child will come out wrong. The best part is that BabyBjorn followed this product from design to final unveiling with the intensity of a The Tree of Life. Greg at DaddyTypes points out that this video is part of a trilogy flogging this high-concept chair including an origin story:

As well as a kid jep thriller:

In the end, however, the story is basically “If you don’t buy this high chair, your child will never eat anything and you are a bad parent.” So get cracking, purveyors of love. Your kids need you.